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where de beans at?
i said his anus no longer leaks, what else do you want man?
Recent Entries 
19th-Dec-2009 01:52 am(no subject)
“He can who thinks he can, and he can’t who thinks he can’t. This is an inexorable, indisputable law.”

— Pablo Picasso
10th-Dec-2009 10:39 pm(no subject)
me: i'm just going to walk jayda
drunk kyle: okay but if you don't there's going to be big punishment
me: hahaha what?
drunk kyle: i'm going to force you to declare bankruptcy
25th-Nov-2009 08:28 pm(no subject)
“ If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea."

-Antoine de Saint-Exupery
18th-Nov-2009 02:07 pm(no subject)
last night i wanted to go to bed early, so i got into bed at 12:30 and didn't turn on the tv or get out once despite not being able to fall asleep until after 7. sometime, after hours of not being able to sleep, i decided to hum twinkle twinkle little star out loud to myself, and somehow after a few verses that turned into the american national anthem.
17th-Nov-2009 05:42 pm(no subject)
sometimes i feel so totally undeserving of the good things i get. a lot of the time, looking at just the details of a specific situation, i know i definitely don't deserve it. but i need to remind myself that overall, i do deserve everything good i get and more. it's hard for me to remember that sometimes but i am trying my best. trying my best trying my best trying my best.


Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
- Winston Churchill

(i'm surprised to be quoting him, but maybe it's some sort of sign since that's where my mom teaches. maybe? something like that.)
13th-Nov-2009 04:39 pm(no subject)
never. again. why the fuck do i act like such a fucking god damn brainless moron when really i am fucking smarter than 99% of the population? i don't think i have ever actually used the words "never again", but even if i haven't, i don't except anyone or even myself to think it really is never again. but i hope to fucking god it is because i am sick of doing this all the fucking time. i create so much more work and stress and more fucking everything bad for myself just because i cant fucking think two minutes into the future. i am making progress in lots of other areas in my life but i just fucking god damn can't fucking make any in this one.

the amount of anger i feel is directly proportional to the amount of swear words i use. thats obvious.

the short version: i pushed myself as far as i ever have in terms of procrastinating on schoolwork and i am hoping that this is finally what i need to stop. fucking. doing. it.
6th-Nov-2009 06:40 pm(no subject)
 i am so sick of being willing to do things for other people that they are not willing to do for me. i don't actually have to do any of the stuff most of the time, and it's not that i would be bothered by them not doing it. it's not about that. it's the fact that i would and they wouldn't. i would be a good friend and they wouldn't. i may not always be a good person (though i am working on that), but when it really counts, i am always a good friend. this has happened my whole life and i am tired of it. i notice it with everyone, too. every single person has friends who sometimes act like they don't know how to be a good friend or don't care enough to bother. and i guess everyone just puts up with it because what else can you do? if the other person doesn't care, you can't change that. so the only thing you could do is stop being their friend, and most of the time it isn't worth that. these are mostly small things i am talking about, after all. but to me they matter a lot. so the point is, that if someone won't do something for me that i would do for them, that's totally fine and i can't fault them for that. it's just up to me to always keep that in mind. i'm not going to forget about things that matter to me anymore just because they don't matter to other people. 

i'm not actually upset about any of this at all. it was my fault. my b, if you will. all of this is just to say; fuck em. i want people in my life who get this. who understand that sometimes you have to sacrifice things that you want, most of the time only momentarily (momentarily, for petes sake!), to be a good friend. i want it and it is exactly what i'm going to get. and i can't wait. 
4th-Nov-2009 04:13 pm(no subject)
 also, the things youtube recommends for me are so funny! the clip of 7th heaven where they find a joint in the house and simon loses all respect for matt? yes please!!
4th-Nov-2009 03:28 pm(no subject)
 this morning i woke up from a dream where i had been playing and i think living with a bunch of siberian tigers. i have been in such a good mood all day and i think those things are related. that dream was the best moment of my entire life!
22nd-Oct-2009 09:19 pm(no subject)
 a wave crashes over my tongue,
my face is wet with salt,
i'm covering you with sand and naked grief. 

i crawled out of the ocean for you.
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